too many thoughts
Dear diary
Hi there , It's your friend this side after another long time , Every other day I think that I should write in my blog , I have so much to say , so much to tell , so many things in my mind that come up now and then .But I'm a lazy guy and sitting and typing is making me restless lately , I would try a video blog as now I have a webcam and I'm alone. But I know that it is not going to happen.
So one of the things that I want out of my system is a bad landlord . He is so annoying that it feels like breaking something in his house before I go , but that is not gonna happen as I'm not a violent person and he hasn't tipped me off as of now . Till now he is irritating to a good extent. Sometimes when I think why he does this , I feel like mocking him of pretending to be a German while being an Indian. He has taken worst aspects of both lives and now is trying to make my life bad , but he doesn't know that god is with me and all his attempts will go waste .(smiling at myself , so overconfidence in god). he is afraid the neighbor might see the light on during the night and will call the police thinking something bad is being done in my room. He calls his children as German, instead of Indian, I think he might be sad as his kids turned out not as he wanted them. I think he has failed in installing the ideas he wanted them to have , the great Indians customs and beliefs. I would be sad if my kids grow up and fails to follow my idols. and thinking about that he is a half German and the children would grow like that only. His father failed to get the ideas deep enough and he could not pass on the ideas he did not believe in. Another difference between his and my thinking is that he thinking he is helping me by giving a room and I'm thinking I "pay" to live here in a half German house.He in my age had suffered a lot of difficulties while settling down in Germany , he ran to Germany about 30 years ago and had a very hard time .and he is thinking that I should also face those or some of those difficulties as I am his age right now. For now I'm closing this chapter , but I wish him a happy life buy either getting converted to Indian or German , so that his life and life around him gets better.
So the next thought I have right now is should I try to go back or try to stay . a very difficult question indeed . Sometimes it feels like this place is better than India and sometimes if feels like India is better . If you would have asked me the same question if I had attended my cousins marriage the answer would have been simple , this place is better. The only reason i would like to go back is that i don't miss another marriage that is yet to be decided. God plays games and now i don't have a reason to go back and till last heard I am going back , at the end of this month. I don't know how to react to this , be happy going back home be sad going away from a good place .So I have stopped thinking and now I live in the present , Right now my plan is to go back home and that is what I will do. if this changes tomorrow or day after i will think otherwise.
life does not do what you want it to do and if you stop living in the moment it becomes a little hard. the ifs and buts are a part of life . and I believe until and unless life is waiting for me to take a decision I trust god to take it from me. I would like to end this small post by my usual quote -
Hi there , It's your friend this side after another long time , Every other day I think that I should write in my blog , I have so much to say , so much to tell , so many things in my mind that come up now and then .But I'm a lazy guy and sitting and typing is making me restless lately , I would try a video blog as now I have a webcam and I'm alone. But I know that it is not going to happen.
So one of the things that I want out of my system is a bad landlord . He is so annoying that it feels like breaking something in his house before I go , but that is not gonna happen as I'm not a violent person and he hasn't tipped me off as of now . Till now he is irritating to a good extent. Sometimes when I think why he does this , I feel like mocking him of pretending to be a German while being an Indian. He has taken worst aspects of both lives and now is trying to make my life bad , but he doesn't know that god is with me and all his attempts will go waste .(smiling at myself , so overconfidence in god). he is afraid the neighbor might see the light on during the night and will call the police thinking something bad is being done in my room. He calls his children as German, instead of Indian, I think he might be sad as his kids turned out not as he wanted them. I think he has failed in installing the ideas he wanted them to have , the great Indians customs and beliefs. I would be sad if my kids grow up and fails to follow my idols. and thinking about that he is a half German and the children would grow like that only. His father failed to get the ideas deep enough and he could not pass on the ideas he did not believe in. Another difference between his and my thinking is that he thinking he is helping me by giving a room and I'm thinking I "pay" to live here in a half German house.He in my age had suffered a lot of difficulties while settling down in Germany , he ran to Germany about 30 years ago and had a very hard time .and he is thinking that I should also face those or some of those difficulties as I am his age right now. For now I'm closing this chapter , but I wish him a happy life buy either getting converted to Indian or German , so that his life and life around him gets better.
So the next thought I have right now is should I try to go back or try to stay . a very difficult question indeed . Sometimes it feels like this place is better than India and sometimes if feels like India is better . If you would have asked me the same question if I had attended my cousins marriage the answer would have been simple , this place is better. The only reason i would like to go back is that i don't miss another marriage that is yet to be decided. God plays games and now i don't have a reason to go back and till last heard I am going back , at the end of this month. I don't know how to react to this , be happy going back home be sad going away from a good place .So I have stopped thinking and now I live in the present , Right now my plan is to go back home and that is what I will do. if this changes tomorrow or day after i will think otherwise.
life does not do what you want it to do and if you stop living in the moment it becomes a little hard. the ifs and buts are a part of life . and I believe until and unless life is waiting for me to take a decision I trust god to take it from me. I would like to end this small post by my usual quote -
god bless you , god bless me and god bless us all.
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